Har modellbyggare humor, vi får väl se här i tråden.

[Robin Nilsson]

"Lånat" från ARC:

When Forrest Gump "passed on" and went to heaven:

Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself.
The gates are closed however. St. Peter says, Well Forrest it's certainly good to see you.
We have heard a lot about you. I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we've
been giving an entrance exam for everyone. The tests are fairly short, but you need to pass
before you can get into Heaven.
Forrest responds, Sure hope the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was.
St. Peter goes on, Yes, I know Forrest but the test I have for you is only three questions.

1. What days of the week begin with the letter T.
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
3. What is God's first name?

Forrest goes away to think. He returns the next day and goes up to St. Peter to try and answer
the exam questions. St Peter waves him up and says: Now that you have had a chance to think
the questions over, tell me your answers.

Forrest says, "Well the first one- how many days begin with T, shucks, that one's easy.
That'd be Today and Tomorrow."

The Saint's eyes opened wide as he exclaimed: Forrest, "That's not what I was thinking, but...
you do have a point, and I guess I didn't specify, so I give you credit for that one."

"How about the next one?" asks St. Peter. "How many seconds in a year?"

"Now that one's harder", says Forrest, "But I thunk and thunk about that and
I guess the only answer can be twelve."

Astounded St.Peter says, "Twelve!? Twelve!? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could
you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

Forrest says, "Shucks, there's gotta' be twelve: January second, February second, March second..."

"Hold it," Interrupts St. Peter "I see where you're going with this. And I guess I see your point,
though that wasn't quite what I had in mind, but I'll give you credit for that one, too.
Let's go on to the final question.
Can you tell me God's first name?"

Forrest replied. "Andy."

"OK, OK," said a frustrated St. Peter, "I guess I can see how you came up with the first two answers
to my questions but how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?"

That was the easiest of all, Forrest replied, I learned it from the song....
Andy WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.....

[Robin Nilsson]

What kids think about romance and marriage (Brilliant!)

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
**********************************
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.
Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, she should keep the chips and dip coming.
Alan, age 10
-----------------------------------------------------
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
Kirsten, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
*****************************************
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
Camille, age 10
-----------------------------------------------
No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
Freddie, age 6 (Very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
**************************************************
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
***********************************************
Both don't want any more kids.
Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
**************************************************
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
Lynnette, age 8 (Isn't she a treasure)
--------------------------------------------
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
***********************************************
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote About me in all the dead columns.
Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
*********************************
When they're rich.
Pam, age 7 (typical)
----------------------------------------------------
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
Howard, age 8 (sucker)


IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
***********************************************
I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out.
Theodore, age 8 (my man!)

----------------------------------------------------
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
Anita, age 9 (Bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
**********************************************
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
Kelvin, age 8 (he he he)

And the #1 Favourite is ........"
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
**********************************************
Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.
Ricky, age 10 (clever boy!)

[BGB]

Var bor dom där barna?
Boris

[Robin Nilsson]

i amerikat antagligen

[Robin Nilsson]

The Final Exam


At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an "A" so far. These four friends were so confident, that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day.

The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam. The Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thinking this was going to be easy.... then they turned the page.

On the second page was written.... For 95 points:


Which tire? _____

[Robin Nilsson]

Lånat från ARC:
SEVEN REASONS TO CRAWL UNDER A ROCK

1. CURL UP AND DIE........I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" - Melinda Lowe, 39, SeguinTX

2. PAD PLEASE.......... An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex (amerikansk tillverkare av dambindor) right in front of our guest. * Kate Newman, 46, Winston-Salem, NC

3. HO, HO, HO.............I was taking a shower when my 2 year old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but a camera! -
Name Withheld

4. LADY GOLFER....... I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls." Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI

5. NUTS ABOUT YOU............My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget. Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie /SPAN, MD

6. PRICELESS.............A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"

7. MOM'S ADVICE.............A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the
principal's office. He was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your Mom." She screamed. "I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could Stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.

[Robin Nilsson]

Länk till Lindströms roliga teckning för 2014-01-15
http://www.bonton.se/?d=2014-01-15
Kontors-Biggles

[Robin Nilsson]

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.

An angel hears his plea and appears to him. "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you."
The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.

The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the
man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers
his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.

Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. St. Peter seeing
the suitcase says, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"

But, the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord.
Sure enough, St. Peter checks and comes back saying, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag,
but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through."

St. Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave
behind and exclaims, "You brought pavement?!!!"

[Snussugen]

Wife: You never listen to me! You only hear what you want to hear!
Husband: Sure, I'll have a beer.

[Robin Nilsson]

Soldier John was in a war, in the heat of battle. At the moment he ran out of ammunition in his rifle, he began to panic until he saw this guy without a gun, Soldier Bob, making like he was shooting the enemy, pointing his arms like he was holding a rifle and saying "bangity bang." Curious, Soldier John approached Soldier Bob and said, "What on Earth are you doing?!" Soldier Bob replied, "I don't know, I just discovered that if you point and shoot like this, it works." Sure enough he demonstrated, "Bangity bang" and enemy soldiers fell dead. Soldier John replied, "Let me try" and he did so, "bangity bang" and just like Soldier Bob had happen, enemy soldiers started dropping. Soldier Bob then said he had to leave and did so. Soldier John fired again, "bangity bang" and an enemy soldier dropped. The he did it again and another dropped. Then he tried again, "bangity bang" but this time the enemy soldier did not drop but kept walking in his direction. "Bangity Bang" said Soldier John a bit louder. The man did not drop but kept walking closer and closer. Soldier John was beginning to worry, "Bangity bangity bangity BANG!!! to no avail. And just as the enemy soldier was stomping him into the ground he heard him saying, "Tank tankity tank, tank tankity tank ..."