Har modellbyggare humor, vi får väl se här i tråden.

[Robin Nilsson]

Dagens på ARC:

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.

[Robin Nilsson]

My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.

"I got in a tiff with Riley."

"Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said surprised.

"He must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was."

"Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?"

"Aye, that I did--Mrs. Riley's left breast." Kelly said. "And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight!"

[Robin Nilsson]

Late one night a drunk guy is showing some friends around his brand new apartment. The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.

"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.

"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."

"How does it work?"

The guys picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.

Suddenly, someone on the otherside of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you as*hole...it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"

[Robin Nilsson]

An Indian makes his monthly trip across the wilderness to the trading post where he stocks up on supplies.

“Me needem toilet paper” he says to the clerk.

“Well, we have Charmin, and we have generic” replies the clerk.

“Generic?” the Indian asks

“Yeah, it’s doesn’t have a name. It is just basic TP, so it is a lot cheaper”

“Me takem generic.” And with that, the Indian heads for home.

The following month he returns to the trading post as usual.

“Me gottem name for that generic toilet paper.”

“Really? What do you suggest?”

“John Wayne!”

“John Wayne? Isn’t that a strange name for TP?”

“Me callem the TP John Wayne because the TP
rough and tough and take no shit off Indian.”

[Robin Nilsson]

A rabbit is bouncing through the woods, not really paying attention to where he is going. He looks up to see a huge bear right in front of him. He stops moving immediately, breathes as quietly as he can, closes his eyes, and hopes the bear has not seen him and will move away soon.

The rabbit can still hear the bear standing there a minute later, so he opens his eyes slowly to see if there is any sign the bear is going to leave. When he opens his eyes he can see the bear is looking directly at him, carefully considering the rabbit. The rabbit assumes the bear is trying to decide whether to eat the rabbit alive or whether he wants to cook him first, and is almost ready to die from fright.

The bear breaks his silence and asks the rabbit “Does shit stick to your fur?”. The rabbit is stunned but manages to stammer out his reply “N-N-N-No, i-i-i-it’s n-n-n-never b-been a p-p-problem f-for me!”. The bear grabs the terrified rabbit before he has a chance to think about running, says “Good, then this shouldn’t be a problem”, and starts wiping his ass with the rabbit.

[Robin Nilsson]

An Air Force chief master sergeant and a general were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The general shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"

The sergeant turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on me. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

[Robin Nilsson]

Stereotypiska kartor. Vissa är riktigt kul
http://www.nationalstereotype.com/stereotype-maps/

/ Robin

[Robin Nilsson]

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after the night at a business function.
He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of
aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!

Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean.
So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge
black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror and notices a note on the table:

Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping - Love you!!"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the
morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, "Son...what ! happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk and out of your mind.
You broke the coffee table, puked on the hallway carpet and
got that black eye when you ran into the door."

So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean,
I have a rose and,
and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh, THAT!...Mom dragged you to the bedroom
and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,
"Leave me alone, bitch, I'm married!!!".

[Robin Nilsson]

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged,
but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him.

"Guess what, sir?" the clerk said proudly. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!"

"Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?!" the manager asked.

"That's the one!" said the clerk.

"That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity!
That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me, why is your hand bandaged?"

"Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his seeing-eye dog bit me."

[Robin Nilsson]

Dagens på ARC:


I'll probably burn in hell for this one....but at least I can keep you company down there....
The Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family." No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression " Again all was quiet. Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets ...."