Har modellbyggare humor, vi får väl se här i tråden.

[Robin Nilsson]

[Robin Nilsson]

The rabbi was fed up with his congregation. So, he decided to skip the services on Yom Kippur, the holiest day on the Jewish calendar, and instead go play golf.
Moses was looking down from heaven and saw the rabbi on the golf course.
He naturally reported it to God. Moses suggested God punish the rabbi severely.
As he watched, Moses saw the rabbi playing the best game he had ever played! The rabbi got a hole-in-one on the toughest hole on the course.
Moses turned to God and asked, "I thought you were going to punish him.
Do you call this punishment?!"
God replied, "Who can he tell?"

[Robin Nilsson]

The Priest and The Rabbi.
The Priest met his friend, the Rabbi, and says to him "You have taught me many things but there is one thing in particular I want to learn very much but you do not wish to teach it to me. I want you to teach me the Talmud."
The Rabbi replied: "You are a Non-Jew and you have the brain of a Non-Jew. There is no chance that you will succeed in understanding the Talmud."
But the Priest continued in his attempt to persuade the Rabbi to teach him the Talmud.
Finally, the Rabbi agreed.
The Rabbi then said to the Priest:
I agree to teach you the Talmud on condition that you answer one question.
The Priest agreed and asked the Rabbi "What is the Question?"
The Rabbi then said to the Priest:
"Two men fall down through the chimney. One comes out dirty and the other comes out clean."
"Who of those two goes to wash up."
"Very Simple," replied the Priest. "The one who is dirty goes to wash up but the one who is clean does not go to wash up."
The Rabbi then said to the Priest: "I told that that you will not succeed in understanding the Talmud."
"The exact opposite happened." "The clean one looks at the dirty one and thinks that he is also dirty goes to wash up. The dirty one, on the other hand, looks at the clean one and thinks that he is also clean and, therefore, does not go to wash up."
The Priest then says to the Rabbi: "This I did not think of. Ask me, please another question."
The Rabbi then says to the Priest: "Two men fall down through the chimney. One comes out dirty and the other comes out clean." "Who of these two goes to wash up?"
The Priest then says to the Rabbi: "Very simple." "The clean one looks at the dirty one and thinks he is also dirty and goes to wash up. The dirty one, on the other hand, looks at the clean one and thinks that he is also clean and, therefore, does not go to wash up."
The Rabbi then says to the Priest: "You are wrong again." "I told you that you will not understand." "The clean one looks into the mirror, sees that he is clean and, therefore, does not go to wash up. The dirty one looks into the mirror, sees that he is dirty and goes to wash up."
The Priest complains to the Rabbi "But you did not tell me that that there is a mirror there."
The Rabbi then tells the Priest: "I told you. You are a Non-Jew, with your brain you will not succeed in understanding the Talmud.
According to the Talmud, you have to think of all the possibilities."
"Alright," groaning, said the Priest to the Rabbi. "Let us try once more. Ask me one more question."
For the last time, said the Rabbi to the Priest.
"Two men fall through the chimney. One came came out dirty and the other came out clean. Who of these two went to wash up?"
That is very simple! replied the Priest. "If there is no mirror there the clean one will look at the dirty one and will think that he is also dirty and will, therefore, go to wash up.
The dirty one will look at the clean one and will think that he is also clean, and will, therefore, not go to wash up.
If there is a mirror there, the clean one will look into the mirror and will, therefore, not go to wash up.
The dirty one will look into the mirror and will see that he is dirty and will, therefore go to wash up."
The Rabbi then says to the Priest: "I told that you will not succeed in understanding."
"You are a Non-Jew, you have a Non-Jewish Brain."
"Tell me: How is it possible for two men to fall through a chimney and for one to come out dirty and for the other to come out clean?"

Det gäller att tänka på rätt sätt

[Robin Nilsson]

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available, a brand new Ferrari 550. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops for a red light. An old man on a moped pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, "What kind a car ya' got there, sonny?"

The young man replies, "A Ferrari 550. It cost half a million dollars!"

"Whew! That's sure a lot of money, " says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"

"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the young dude proudly. The moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"

"No problem," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then sitting back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right... but I'll just stick with my moped!"

Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, Whhhooooossshhh! Something
whips by him, going much faster!!!!

"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the young man asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph.

Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the moped.

Totally amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it some more gas and passes the moped at 275 mph. Whhooooossh! He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him again.

Astounded by the speed of the old codger, he floors the gas and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.
Not ten seconds later he sees the moped bearing down on him again.

The Ferrari is flat out and there's nothing he can do. Suddenly the moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear.

The young man jumps out, and unbelievably, the old man is still alive!!!

He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh my God! Is there anything I can do for you?" The old man whispers weakly, "Unhook...my suspenders from your side-view mirror!"

[Robin Nilsson]

written by Bryant Ross aka"ChainsawLarry
The history of mankind in brief (or) Where it all went wrong

The other day I was having a discussion with my buddy and his wife. As discussions like this often go, it became yet another skirmish in the war between the sexes. Kate looked me in the eye and with a self-satisfied smirk said “Well if it wasn’t for women, men would still be living in CAVES!”

When you’re right you’re right. Credit where credit is due. Kate was right. If it wasn’t for women, men WOULD still be living in caves.

I mean really, let’s look at it dispassionately.

However many bajillion years ago men and women lived in caves, a natural shelter from wind, rain and the other ravages of weather. They lived in large family groupings, raising their young and helping one another out, sharing the load and both working and protecting in turn. From each according to ability, to each according to need. Men did what they do best, they hunted and they fished. Women did the gathering. Men set out daily with clubs and spears to see what they could hunt down or trap to feed the family, they hunted and fished all day and wandered home at night to share what they had gotten. The women went out and walked around gabbing and gossiping while they looked around and selected juicy berries and roots for all manner of uses.

So it went on, for centuries this order of things was the standard. The men hunted and fished, the women gathered. It worked, everyone was happy.

Then it happened. Shirley was peeling some kind of vegetable in the cave one day, and Ralph came home with the other guys, they had just killed a mastodon. Ralph and the guys were all carrying chunks of meat and had the skin rolled up and shouldered between them. Shirley was cold, and she had been trying to gather roots all day and her feet hurt. The wind was blowing into the cave and the rain was bothering her. She looked at the mastodon skin and a light went off in her head.

“Hey Ralph” she said “Could you hang that skin up in the door of the cave? I’ll bet it would really cut down the wind and rain blowing in”

Ralph looked at it, and even though he was tired from Mastodon hunting (I mean really, it can’t have been all that easy, those things were BIG), being a nice guy he thought he’d do Shirley a favour, and climbed up the rocks and hung up the mastodon skin. Little did he know that when he did that he doomed all future generations of men to the slavery we now live. If Ralph had only said “no” at that moment we would all be happy. But that’s not how it all happened. Ralph climbed up and hung that skin, Shirley was happy....for the moment.

A month or so later Ralph wanted to get a little “Romantic” with Shirley. Generally this wasn’t much of a problem once he had washed the mastodon blood off himself. This particular night, however, when Ralph got all snuggled up to Shirley she said “You know Ralph… I’d feel a LOT more romantic if we had some privacy” She indicated the other families that lived in the cave, parents and grandparents etc. He looked from them back to Shirley who batted her eyelashes coyly. He sighed and began to figure out just how many more mastodon skins he’d need to hang them all around their sleeping area. The next day off he went to get some more skins, just so he might get laid.

While all of this went on, the women still went out and walked around gabbing and gossiping while they looked around and selected juicy berries and roots for all manner of uses.

It skyrocketed from there, Ralph and Shirley got skins around their sleeping area. Once Wilma saw that SHE wanted them too, and off Fred went to get some skins. Before long all the guys did was go hunting to get skins so they could close off their areas and possibly get laid.

It wasn’t long before Shirley wheedled Ralph that if they took all those skins OUTSIDE and put them up they would have even more privacy… Now Ralph didn’t know why privacy was so goddamned important, he rather liked being able to romp about with his buddies in the cave, and to call out to them, have impromptu belching and farting contests, and to generally have a good time being guys. NOW Shirley wanted him to take the skins outside, put them on sticks and actually live in it. However… the choice was not getting laid… so obviously out they went.

While all of this went on, the women still went out and walked around gabbing and gossiping while they looked around and selected juicy berries and roots for all manner of uses.

Predictably, not to be outdone all the other women wanted THEIR own spaces too…

So before long the cave sat empty and skin tents populated the world, animals were driven to extinction to provide skins, and men lost their communal culture. As a matter of fact men began actually working for one another to provide the amenities that their women demanded… because they just wanted to get laid.

And…

While all of this went on, the women still went out and walked around gabbing and gossiping while they looked around and selected juicy berries and roots for all manner of uses.

Fast forward to today
Men go out to work every day, WHY?? To provide a place for their women to live… because if they didn’t? you got it, they wouldn’t get laid. It used to be that they went out every day to hunt and fish, enjoy being together and generally have a good time. There were no wars because all of the aggression was taken out in the hunt. Everyone could have a good time together and go home afterward. Today we spend all week making money so we can pay for the house. If we hunt or fish even the most lucky of us gets to do it on weekends, and only if our buddies can get time off work will we do it as a group.

However…
While all of this goes on, the women still go out and walk around gabbing and gossiping while they look around and select various articles of clothing and decorative items for all manner of uses.

Men no longer get to hunt and fish, but women STILL get to shop.

In conclusion, I need to say this:
Yes, if it weren’t for women men would still be living in caves, hell, it makes sense! By now we’d have big screen TVs and barcloungers in those caves, and 4X4s parked outside. We’d still have graphite fishing rods and beer and football, but the caves would still be there because like everything else listed, they make sense.

The trouble is, eventually someone would want to get laid…

[Sten Ekedahl]

Ack, så sant!

[Robin Nilsson]

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman h as observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

[Robin Nilsson]

Three friends are in a car driving to the ballgame when a big truck runs them over, killing them instantly. They find themselves at the Pearly Gates being interviewed by St. Peter. "OK, you," he says, pointing to Vito, "How many times did you cheat on your wife? And don't lie, I'm St. Peter you know. "
Vito hangs his head and replies, "Honestly Pete, I was with two maybe three different broads a week." St. Peter says, "OK, your car in heaven is that used Geo Metro over there, goodbye."
He looks at Eddie and asks, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?"
Eddie replies, "I must admit that in 15 years of marriage I did cheat on my wife 3 times."
St. Peter says, "OK, your car in heaven is that LeBaron, goodbye."
He then looks at Jacob and asks, "And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"
Jacob lifts his head high and replies, "I am proud to say that over 20 years of marriage, I never cheated on my wife! In fact, my beloved has been dead for 2 years now and I remained celibate the whole time!"
St. Peter replies, "Very impressive. Your car in heaven is that Ferrari convertible. Goodbye!"
A couple of hours later, Vito and Eddie are waiting for Jacob at the park where all three had planned to meet. Jacob arrives a couple of minutes late in his Ferrari, and his friends notice that he is sobbing like a baby.
Vito asks, "Hey! Whatsamatterwidyou? We should be crying! We're stuck with these ugly buckets and you got a new Ferrari!"
Jacob, between sobs replies, "I just saw my wife on a skateboard!"

[Mats Averkvist]

When Apollo mission astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks--[mostly the] usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and mission control. Before he re- entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark, "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years, many people have question [Armstrong] as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question.

When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the back yard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex? Oral sex you want? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

[Robin Nilsson]